Yassin

I'm pretty ambivalent on Sturgeon (I voted Green) but if all Steelboy did is call her Jimmy Krankie I'm a bit mystified by the reaction here. It's shite patter but hardly the worst thing that you could say about the country's most senior politician.

Every other Premiership CEO, frantically refreshing Alan Burrow's Twitter, "haud the bus, Motherwell are hoping to sign at least one before deadline day!"

"We exist to improve people's lives. Relentlessly"

I don't really watch much football outside Scotland anymore but how on earth have you not heard of Diego Costa or David Luiz?

Hopefully the devil makes six fairly often!

This Monkey's Gone To Kevin

They offered far more going forward away to a seeded team in Europe than I can remember us doing in at least a decade.

I'm not saying I could recite the entire lyrics to Come On Eileen at the drop of a hat but I think enough people know the general tune and basic lyrical premise to bullshit something coherent sounding.

I'm usually apprehensive about Saints games, even when they've had far less impressive squads than this. I'm not this time for some reason, 0-2.

Jolene?

Captaincy always seems like a really weird thing to get worked up about to me. Unless you're ITK or whatever about the internal dynamics and relationships at the club it's an entirely pointless discussion.

Too wee

Is this contingent on the season being called two months early due to another global pandemic, literally hours before we were due to play the team immediately below us?

Some mate you are.

Three cup finalists to start with

Is Alexander married to Mrs Polworth too?

Nobody ever says Italy

I feel like I'm reading the lyrics to a Fall song.

Has he died?

When Lafferty is in the Scottish top flight he scores goals (mainly at Fir Park). That's basically the end of discussion for me, if he's affordable and keen it's a no brainer to get him in. We already have a young sellable asset upfront as well in Shields, it's not like we'd be filling every position with 34 year olds on one term deals.

Literal guesswork but I'd be surprised if it's not something like 1. Celtic 2. Rangers 3. Aberdeen 4. Hibs 5. Dundee United 6. Killie 7. St Johnstone 8. Motherwell 9. Ross County 10. St Mirren 11. Livingston 12. Hamilton

This one was decent

O'Donnell should have sprinted the length of the pitch to cup his ears to the empty South stand.

You'd have more luck deciphering the Zodiac Killer's letters than some of OTF's scoops

I missed the game and had no desire to watch the highlights based on reports but I'm looking forward to them solely for this now